I’m bummed, you guys. I’ve been agonizingly making my way through Fifty Shades of Grey, the erotic BDSM romance novel that’s been taking the book market by inexplicable storm in the past few months, grimacing at every new sentence’s poor construction and rolling my eyes exaggeratedly, snorting derisively, and drumming my fingers impatiently through its [...]
While many people are uploading their private sex tapes for the world to see, even more are venturing into the realm of erotic writing — fuck, let’s just call it pornographic writing, shall we? Eblogger, Tumblr and WordPress are the hangouts where ordinary soccer moms and accountant dads get their freaks on with vocabulary. And [...]
ANY WICKED THING Berkley Trade Publishing by Margaret Rowe What is it about the word “cunny” in place of “cunt” that’s so damn hot? You don’t know? Yeah, me neither. Because it’s a stupid word. But I do know what’s so hot about the British fools who use that kind of ridiculous prissy dirtytalk — [...]
I am a Slut Hooker Wife: An Avant-Porn Story White Whale Books Written by Heather Clarke What a title, eh? The self-proclaimed “debauched whore” of the title is Jane. Jane. What an innocent name. Like Jane Eyre. The eternally anonymous Jane Doe. But the Jane in I Am a Slut Hooker Wife: An Avant-Porn Story [...]
And best first paragraph of the year award goes to… Nina Bangs! It reads: “’You bring the heat, O Evil One.’ Sparkle Stardust leaned across the candy counter to get a better view of the man entering her store. ‘And that’s bad for business.’” I don’t know what I loved more, the action movieish corny [...]
Fuck you, True Blood. I’ve sat through episode after episode of Jason’s will-he-or-won’t-he-turn-into-a-werepanther thing, and so far… NADA. I have not seen him grow a single panther hair (which he could use on that effeminate waxed chest of his). And ya’ know what? I really didn’t know what I was missing until I read Cathryn [...]
THE BEST ROOMMATE by Samantha Whitney The Best Roommate, an erotica e-book by Samantha Whitney, is cheap, popular, and tasty. Kind of like McDonald’s. Or the good-looking pussy hound from your high school. And like both things, it leaves something to be desired. Though the requisite erotica muff diving occurs, and there’s a significant amount [...]
THE SATIN SASH NAL Publishers By Red Garnier 320 pages Ah, threesomes. Polyamorous longing. Possession. Sharing in a way you never imagined way back in pre-school when you learned it was a necessary behavior in order to keep up the social contract. Letting a third pair of genitals into the mix and poking and prodding [...]
There’s a fantastic new erotica series out there for all you “Samanthas” (I’m looking at you, Charlie Sheen). Have you ever felt like you had to fuck in order to survive? Like, even if you aren’t gay, but you haven’t had sex for a month, you would start sticking it in the ass of your [...]
I’ve got to admire a girl who can fuck an animal. I’ve never seen a donkey show and I’ve got mixed feelings about them. Is the donkey being raped? I just don’t see how it could be consensual. Unless it’s a Pinocchio-donkey and it can communicate what it wants before it turns into a real [...]
