One time I saw Cameron Diaz on Oprah, and Oprah was all like, “These white women in the audience are just dying to know how you lost weight for Charlie’s Angels 2!” and Cameron Diaz answered with something like, “Ya’ know, it really doesn’t matter to me how skinny I am. I just remember feeling, [...]
Once in a while a porn comes along and it’s sexy and gets the job done and yet when it’s over I just don’t know how to feel. A clip ends, one during which I’ve engaged with my darkest fantasies, such as being objectified or objectifying others or letting a Thai hooker go down on [...]
Magneto and Professor X are like your cool gun-owning Republican uncle and your scholarly academic father arguing over Thanksgiving dinner about business ethics. You know they love each other, but their relationship is rife with philosophical conflict. It’s like… come on, just kiss and make up, fellas, and then let’s do this all again next [...]
It’s Friday the 13th. You want to see something fucking creepy? Watch this. The spooky guy who stars in this movie looks like a drug-addict 1700s-era pirate and not in the sexy way. He’s like the Jack Ripper inside Jack Sparrow. I hate this guy. I hate him so much. I want to know his [...]
It’s almost Passover. And I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to re-watch The Prince of Egypt. It’s a yearly tradition of mine to sleep through a couple Seders and then rock out to Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston’s inspiring ballad about the Hebrew people. I’m kidding. I don’t sleep through Seders. I [...]
For those of you who are surrounded by wasted Irish whores on St. Patrick’s Day and still don’t manage to coerce one of them into sex (losers), have I got some weird jerk-worthy shit for your hung-over asses! In memory of the day St. Patrick rid Potato-land of snakes, and in honor of the 25% [...]
If you enjoy getting your pussy shaved by another girl as much as I do, then boy, have I found the five minutes for you. Posted by SapphicErotica.com on YouPorn, I present you with the simple yet delightful “Margaux and Jeannie Pussy Shaving.” In this clip, young vixen Jeannie scrapes off Margaux’s probably pretty recently acquired [...]
I was a babysitter for years. One time a little girl asked me, “Why do they call it a babysitter? Isn’t that silly? Hee hee! What do you do, sit on something?” Cutey. She thought that was hilarious. I nodded and giggled along with her and told her she was silly. What I didn’t tell [...]
Fa-La-La-Lolly Style, Bitches! In the words of Jayden James in “Jayden and London’s Merry XXXmas” on YouPorn, “HAPPY HOLIDAYS MOTHERFUCKERS!” Her introduction to this fantastic holiday video clip on YouPorn continues just as charmingly. Dressed in a Santa hat and a dominatrix outfit, Jayden says to the camera, “I got you guys a Christmas present [...]
Once in a while, somebody actually changes your life for the better. And not like a sixth grade math teacher does when she tells you that you’re smart and pretty. Or like your mate does when he or she shows you that someone can truly care about you, unconditionally. No, once in a while somebody [...]
